Rebooting

At some point I have to believe I am lucky enough,
To have all of them around me, willing to stay,
Willing to mean something.
I was never the kind of person that neglected others.
I may sometimes push them away, in a need to be alone,
Though I am well aware I never am, never was, never will be.
They help me get by, they understand me somehow.
This is why my skin shows what I value the most,
I would have never made it through without it.
I am glad things seem to be working out,
In an always confusing and twisted way.
Who cares?
I do. More than I wish I would. More than I wish they would.
Living is such a complex task,
After all these years of trying,
I am still learning like a child.
Maybe someday I will feel complete,
Not by a single person as many like to believe,
But by all these great souls I have managed to keep around me.
They bring me joy, they show me there is always more.
More than you can see,
More than you think you know,
More than you will ever be able to believe.
And for that I must keep going,
For that I must never let my intelligence leave me.
Feeling, living, breathing.
Thinking.
Perhaps I do must reboot.
-x-

Cruising

I feel as if waiting for time to move
Soon it will, so fast I don't want to miss a thing
I know there will be novelty and excitement
I know in a couple of days all this
Will be just a simple memory
Lying comfortably in the depths of my soul
Solid and cold inside my crumbled heart
For this is the only way I can do things
This does not hurt, this I can achieve
I won't fool myself, I won't neglect
I will understand, accept
Every little piece is supposed to count
Somehow
And if I can make good use of it
Perhaps someday
This puzzle will be complete.
-x-

Goodbye

I don't know if I should apoligise.
But I feel the need to at least justify.
I am leaving you. This idea of you behind.
I know you left it way before me,
But I had some hope and used it.
Now all I have left is reality.
For the reality is you want to belong to her.
Well, there is nothing else I can do.
It feels sad for my hope and plans,
Though I am sure even they understand.
Moving on is never easy. Not is it to see you with her.
This is it for now. This is the best I can do.
All I know is I will miss you.
Our chats.
Our hugs.
Our laughs.
Even these tears.
I will miss the idea of you.
Maybe it won't be so hard to understand.
-x-