Let it rain

How I wish I could know what happens next.
Life`s not even close to these tv shows...
One never knows,
One never cares.
Yeah, that`s not good and it may not be fair.
But when you`ve seen what I did, you`ll think twice before you dare.
Sorry for the confusion and the lack of sense.
It happens a lot when I don`t know where to stand.
Truth is it all seems so calm I can not help but to expect for a storm.
Maybe I`ll swim out of it, maybe I`ll get lost and sink.
Nothing to worry right now since it has fallen apart once, yet we all survived.
It is for sure easier when you already know.
Well, if we knew it all before, we would probably end up killed by an endless storm.
-x-
Written on Aug. 6th

That's you

Why? It shouldn't feel so weird.
I thought after everything things would change between us.
This is myself not getting it right again.
Why can't I figure you out?
It is not hard for me
Oh please, don`t act surprised.
My point is,
When I seem to get closer, you just run to confuse.
Kind like what I love to do.
Not the same because you don`t go that far.
Not the same because I don`t go that far.
C`mon! That`s not being fun anymore.
They taught me sometimes it doesn`t hurt to trust.
Yeah, I know I shouldn`t do that.
I know you don`t cuz you have been as lost as me.
Just relax.
What I most learned from them,
Is that friendships come and go like these thoughts in your head.
I am happy at least this time, because that`s right.
Somethings you`ll always chase,
Others you already know where to find.
-x-
Written on Aug, 4th.

Ways

Suddenly I don't feel so lost anymore...
I know it's weird and I gave up on trying to understand.
But even now, when I seem to have found my way,
Telling the truth, talking to them,
It feels harder than it should.
This is the thing I don't seem to get...
Of course this is the first time I am living this sort of situation...
I have studied lots of things but this does not match...
I am confused and afraid to make any mistake at all.
I could blame it on her, my first shot, my single regret.
Here I'll add a new wish to my recurrent one:
If mistakes are not to be valued the most,
I do wish I could just close up my eyes
And let them find their way out.

-x-
Written on Aug. 2nd.

Nothing

There's nothing I can do
There's nothing I can say
Afterall, I know too little about them
But it hurts me
And I don't even know why
I was not supposed to care
I was not supposed to feel
This is way too much
This is nothing I know
I feel sad
I feel angry
I should not
I can not
This is no good for me
I have no idea how I got myself into this
It hurts
It hurts
Crying does not help
Thinking will not solve
This is no problem of mine
I am too tired to try
Here I give up
Wish I can not feel it
I do not like this
Will you hang on the fucking risk?
-x-