No...thing

Nothing,
You won't say nothing, and it's just fine....
Somehow their words are better than my own...
I am so lost and somehow fine...
The hurry went away...I am not as lost as I seemed...
Though I am as lost as... few things came up, and all I do is help them up...
I want her to succeed, to him, let us all be clear...
Though for now this is the only way...
And I don't want to ever feel her pain...
Mama knows best, she always will,
She always has...
This is the only way...
May they make their own money...
May it be enough for him to stay...
Because he is my godson, and I am going to
Protect him no matter what....
He is not to blame for his fathers' fought...
I am here, and I will not let go, if i need to stay there I will...
Whatever it is...
Let things just be...
I would rather just fly...
I'd rather just be free...
Nothing will ever be as you wish them to be...
-x-

Disappear

What a waste of time.
I did everything wrong.
If I was supposed to end up like that
Then why in heaven go through it all?
I wasted my time
Their, his, money...
I never felt so useless,
So lost
What in heaven does she want me to do?
Fuck.
I can't find a way out,
No matter in how many fucking languages I can say that.
And I can't talk to anyone...
Like I ever could.
More than ever, I just want to fade...
I feel like this is enough,
Like I am not going to be able to accomplish anything else.
And this is the truth.
I am done. I should just go and end it all.
What is the fucking point of going on?
I have nobody, no job, nothing...
Wish I could just be by myself for a while,
But more than ever this is impossible.
Fuck it...

Where?

It should be quick,
It should end well,
No, that is not reality.
Most of the times I'd rather not to tell...
But now this is all that's left for me,
Now they are the only ones I can talk to,
And she feels once again as my sister.
So confusing.
I'm not sad or anything,
Somehow it all feels messed up.
So close.
It is over and real life awaits.
A piece of paper,
A story, a lie.
My success, my regrets...
So weird.
I am not the same anymore,
Yeah it's been ten years
And what years!
The past calls me,
It's an invitation. To my own party.
I feel obsolete.
What if I don't belong here?
Wish I had a map for it.
-x-