Surprise?

Here comes that need again.
Along with it comes a strange and unexpected sadness.
I can not find a starting point for it,
Because deep down I know it is not like it has ever ended.
This time though, I can't seem to understand why all these things happened.
Maybe I should not had been gone for so long,
I do know I needed that.
Right now all I wanted was for things to go back the way they were,
That can't happen.
It is scaring me.
Too many new things from people I knew before...
Maybe it is just to show me others are capable of hiding the same way I am.
Well, I was the one who used to love findings and surprises.
-x-

Learning?

This is how life is supposed to be right?

I don't know...

At least this time I wish it was a matter of being wrong or right

Dualities never liked me,

Guess it's because I always tend to the downside.

I feel sorry right now,

Sorry for the things I did not do

It's, I shall add, rare for me to feel like that,

When you just don't care about what others may think

What you think of yourself becomes unbearably important

And right now I am not sure I can handle everything anymore.

Maybe this has something to do with them,

Eventhough I doubt cuz, pff, they are everything I have close to me right now.

Maybe, and in this I trust, it is because of me.

I am approaching a point at which I can not run away anymore

I will have to put myself in risk,

I will have to trust.

Nothing harder for me,

Nothing worse if you are wrong

Everthing I wish I could feel

Everything I wish could just disappear.

-x-