Grown up?

I don't know why I can't do this anymore...
It used to be so easy, I used to not care at all...
Guess now I am too old or serious...
I just can't let it all go and have some fun.
I mean, what harm would it make?
I bet he wouldn't even remember it!
Maybe this is the reason why...
I guess somehow I care about him...
It's so silly!
I know all I want is to have some fun,
I just so happen to want it in a different way.
This is new and somehow weird.
This unknown feeling is the reason why
I am not doing things the way I used to, here.
I suppose it is for the best, to give myself a break
and start to look for something real...
Whatever this means...
I have reached a point where the future is so unknown
I can't even find the reasons to fear it.
-x- written on 18.2.2012