Não Vamos Parar

Por que amar tamanha velocidade? 
O instante, o piscar de olhos, tudo de passageiro? 
Compreendo, certamente, todo aprendizado inerente. 
A ir mais devagar, sem perder o foco, sem duvidar. 
Qual sensação você terá? 

Se estamos ‘acá’ cada um com sua missão. 
Vou lhe deixar sem ‘spoilers'.
Procure o conforto de consciência dos bons. 
E não esqueça de trabalhar. 

Você é um universo todinho. 
Seja a Dora* e vá explorar. 

Isso me lembra a beleza de nossa liberdade. 
A boa e velha limitação linguística. 
Essa divertida dualidade.
...ah a semântica...

O fato jovem Padawan é:
Não há como escapar. 
Escolha a teoria que mais lhe apetece. 
Escolha a simplicidade de ser feliz. 
-x-

Liberté

Talvez pareça mais fácil estufar o peito,
Erguer o olhar e seguir.
Mas quando cada passo é novidade,
Quando seguir é cheio de incertezas.
Lá vamos nós outra vez.
   
Um caminho novo em folha para criar motivos...
Para o que você escolher.
Nem ouso dizer como será.
Não sou obrigada, te contei?

Tenho coragem de, apesar de tudo, acreditar.
Se um universo de ideias está dentro de si.
Permanece a necessidade de continuar.

Quando se sabe o que encontrar
O caminho certo não tarda.
Outra vez não é mesmo?
Vamos colocar cada passo em seu lugar?

Fico aqui procurando os tais sinais.
A mente cheia de ideias,
Um jogo de canetas para gastar.
Cada pequena decisão nesse caminho.
Nesse breve tributo à liberdade.
-x-

Another year

Here we go again. 

This time eternity has become a much more tangible concept.

To think I'd been writing about it for so long without even noticing.

My eternal love to irony.

I feel on the verge of something entirely new. Who knew?

(capital H I M)

I feel hopeful enough to accept, perhaps, I never will.

Doesn't that take the fun out of living?

How does one handle changing reality that much?

Look and you shall see, hear it loud and clear.

If we manage to be true to ourselves, greatness approaches.

Treat it well and it will never resign.

Since we're dealing with the realm of eternity,

Let us choose better opportunities.

Breath in and embrace this whole new set of days.

Here we go again.

-x- 

To you

It's so funny how you've always seen the best in me.
Guess it's a gift of yours I will be forever greatful to know in person.
I can't believe it took me so long to write this...
Though it's better late than never,
Though I'm doing my best to make time run a little bit slower...
Such things matter so little,
When it comes to all the good you've done.
Perhaps I can be sorry now for taking (way) too long to write you back in decency.
And maybe it doesn't matter (since we'll be drunk anyway)  ;)
There is no doubt, in the end, I am so bloody glad to have you as my sister.
More than that...
You should have yet another 'written' memory,
A little something to read whenever,
A few verses so you know,
(insert here my silly line with 'soul')
I love you bery bery much,
And I want you to keep being awesome
#bestrhymeevAr
-x-

En passant

Sometimes, we cannot help but forget how lucky we are.
Close your eyes,  breath in,
Open them up, look at the sky.
I can't be the only one who sees.
Despite all the fucked up shit,
In spite of what we’ll never achieve.
None of us can deny there is something.
Whatever it is that moves you…
Breath in again.
Understand there is something out there
One should never give up before finding.
No matter how hard it seems,
Experience is always better than a thought.
It is time to look ahead…
Breath out.

#enpassant

Irony

Here I am, that tiny smile, those misleading eyes
Always the same, taking you for a fool
When we both know better
When we both know what not to do
'course I know you don't feel it like this
At least I hope you would not play me
Now why would that happen to you?
Guess our minds are closer than I dared to think
In the end it doesn't change anything
Even when you want what's special
You also get glittering eyes for variety
I am the same, though I'm blind
I am tired of these boytoys
I will hurry up and take my time.
-x-

Onwards we go

Wish I could put it all out at once
and let everything go as it should
Wish it could be that simple
If only if only
Loleniness will always show
It isn't hard to spot, that we all know
Another broken hearts parade
Another gathering of reckless souls
It doesn't inspire me as it should
Though for tonight it will do
And the darkness shall flow
All I mean to bring along
The feelings shut
Once again to clear the soul
Just another try
For mistakes never stop pilling up
For I still hope to forget
Forgiveness will never come
Well...everybody's got to rest...
-x-

Pacience

Parece que a saudade é desses sentimentos que precisam ser reconhecidos, experienciados, e, no que parece ser o meu caso, recorrentes. Não faz sentido tentar ignorá-la, afinal, em cada canto da mente, em cada referência, lá está você, ou melhor, lá estou eu sem você. É dolorido e o tempo não parece ajudar, quando tudo o que eu queria era que as horas voassem e o tempo fizesse seu trabalho asap. Mas, ao mesmo tempo, não quero deixar de viver o que aparentemente tenho de viver. É realmente confuso e cansativo, mas é o melhor jeito. Encarar a saudade de  você, de frente, com paciência. Não há como negar como me sinto perto de algo muito importante, e bom, para mim mesma, não é esperança tão mais do que intuição. Talvez a saudade seja necessária para a superação, talvez eu finalmente pare de achar que algo poderá acontecer... Acho que nesse aprendizado, o que ele me disse naquela épocas vale, e de certa forma, até  conforta, pois a dor é inevitável, mas o sofrimento é opcional.
-x-

Memory

How does one recognise happiness?
It has been so long,
I need to remind myself it is still possible
I had almost forgotten how it was
My mind seems to admire and doubt
All at once
I cannot help but wonder if this is really it
Somehow I need to crave for it
Though I never thought I could witness
what could remotely express
the possibility of reality
Perhaps I should try to accept it,
It is new so I should try it
This could be what I have felt
There is something of a change
Thus I will not let my mind
Refuse an old-fashioned,
Experiment.
-x-

You

Thinking can deceive you
The same way it did to me
Reality. Untrue.
Feeling can deceive you
How could one possibly make it through?
You make me wonder how far can it go
How far can feelings and thoughts alone
Take you?
I am not sure I can handle all that again
Of course this is a worry I carry alone
Mostly I am doing this alone,
In the end nothing will change that
What I've always known deep inside my soul
What my heart has not yet come into terms of believing
Alone from the craddle to the grave
A soul full of mates, empty of luck
Timing never helps, never did, never will
Imagine...
That should be fun...
My heart though desperate is fragile
My will cannot last for I got far too familiar with giving up
And you are impossible. That I have figured out.
Curiosity and desire seem to have brought us around
Though my deceived feelings tell me there is something else
Out there. Somewhere.
You'll never understand how little my soul can bare.
-x-

"Why"

Why sould I give up?
Whe kissing you is all I need
When I can wish for us whenever I want
Even if I know this may not last
Even when my heart knows it may not
I cannot help but whishing
For this to be something more
For me to feel something more.

"Why do you always do this to me?"
When we never know what will happen next
When I can do nothing but whish
When if my mind betrays my beliefs
All I can do is want it
To be something more
To mean somethimg more
Than my mind could ever predict...

Perhaps I need another mistake
Perhaps I need another experience

Even if this does not last
I feel something more
Another soul to keep in my mind
Another set of things to keep in my heart...
You would never know
How hard it is to fell
How hard it is to forget.

It is all I want for now,
Somewhere in the between,
Somewhere I may never regret,
This is what I want for now
This is another thing not to let go
It will hurt as hell
Only if we choose it to.

Decisions may hurt
For as long as we need them to
Decisions may show
What it is I have been avoinding to
"Why do I have to feel this way?"
More than words could ever translate
More than my thoughts could ever understand,

May it be real for as long as it lasts
May it make me feel this way,
For as long as I can handle...

Perhaps I need another mistake
Perhaps I need another experience

I should thank you
My heart still feels alive
Inspite of everything else
Inspite of all my choices and mistakes,
I know this is the best way I have found
To keep going on
To keep trying
For as long as this may last.

-x-

Another time

I cannot help but to feel tired
Not my first time, nor the last
My heart is sensitive
My mind is curious
Once again, here I am.
Perhaps I lost what I had to
The things which needed to happen
For me to find you
For us to find each other.
Better.
What to do next?
Breath, that's for sure
Look at the sky and walk
Until my steps mean something
Until feeling comes with no fear.
-x-

Fool

Why does it have to feel like that?

I know it was more than I thought,

More than I could have asked for

But now I’m in the between

And it doesn’t even feel as if it was real.

Memories come and go

When I can barely taste your kiss

Memories betray and deceive

When your hug is all I seem to miss

How silly of me to believe.

I cannot help myself,

That spark is all I have been looking for,

The fire I lack, the craziness inside

Missing you like you were mine.

Truth is having fun is addictive,

The danger, the novelty

How can I not enjoy it?

How can you not?

No doubt I have issues,

This has become so much more clear

Everything I do reminds me of it

My sick little mind and its tricks.

If I could control it,

If I could let it be free,

I would be losing a great part of me

Perhaps the part that got you there 

Perhaps the part that makes me question everything.

If only…

If only I thought I could ever feel complete.

Now

The unusual
The new
May scare and confuse
It is not hard
Some may think
It could be done
If it was not about me
Most of the times it is not
Though feelings come in the way
Mess everything up
Take care of my soul
Make me want to tear apart
Perhaps it is how this is supposed to be
Better not to risk
Better not to think
Better off without it
What to do next is a question one might ask
No answers
Not here at least
My need to question
My challenge to feel
You could have broken me
You could have saved me
It was never about you in the end
And my mind keeps deceiving me
I need my thoughts
Could barely live without
I need these words
To let the darkness hang around
Time, and only time shall prove
Whether I will make it through
Wondering and wandering
For until I know where to go
Any road will be good enough.
-x-

Reality

Would you play me like everybody else?
Don't make me special
Don't hold me in your heart
Can you not see I am not here?
Notice how you cannot feel my heart.
The pain shut it down for a while,
A desperate attempt to save myself.
Though hope ran away...
Always so childish...
All you see now is what's left.
The scars hidden in my eyes,
For they may never see what love is.
For they may close without finding out.
Different, are we, really?
Pain rests in all our hearts,
Still, we cannot figure it out.
We have failed in playing
Without ever learning what it is
They call living.
I don't want to play like everybody else.
-x-

Me

I have learned how to enjoy danger
As if it is a part of me, there is no fear
There is just a single feeling
A feeling some do not enjoy in a lifetime
A feeling of complete and absolut
Peace.
Danger can be addictive
But I still feel like the same me
I am just no longer
Afraid of living a little bit.
-x-

Over

Thinking.
Now it's the time
To throw it all out
To pour some whisky
Not a sip, drink it up.
Now it's the time
To look at the courage
I did not have the heart to own.
Embrace it.
Power.
Move on, shall we?
Yes we shall.
This is the time,
My tears have to stop
No weakness
Just my heart.
This is what I want
Enough of hurting
I may second guess
I won't regret.
Thinking.
Once again,
Not like before
I am not the same
You've met, hang on.
The malt in my veins
Shall not be in vain.
How does it feel to be strong?
I can see no better time to know.
I'll figure it out
With or without you
The time is now.
Worrying is a need
It has got me this far.
Fearing is a sin,
I don't want anymore scars.
If this is what I have to do,
Let's bring it up.
I'll embrace my darkness
This is my better side.
Let the flames blow up
For this future unknown.
These ashes will wash away,
That's the rest of you in me
Circling the drain.
I could scream it out loud
But my soul just wants to blow it
Off and away
So it begins.
-x-

Corrrect?

Never have I ever been so wrong
So many times in a row
So much in a single year
Though maybe it has been a good thing.
A collection of mistakes,
If one is brave and smart,
Can become an opportunity
To make things right.
The only thing now is finding out
Whether bravery and intelligence
Will once again get along with me.
All I need is a single sign,
Something to prove to me
Trying is still worth it
Feeling is still a priviledge
Living is still different.
I know my forever blury eyesight
May fail to understand what lies ahead
And my long to be recovered heart
May ignore and avoid more than ever before.
I just want to keep going
Step by step
A little bit longer.
Nothing will ever change
If I am not ready to make a couple more of them.
Mistakes.
-x-

Break

Sometimes your heart must stop you
From harming it once more
From leaving it destroyed
Though you may think it is ok
Your mind can only tolerate so much more pain.
For now it feels better to stop
Stop looking for something that never comes
Stop looking for different people
When they are all as hurt as you
It is not easy to give up
However, at least for now, it is the right thing to do.
I fear missing something out
I fear not taking an opportunity
But all the courage I had deep down
Has been taken, no questions asked
No excuses on the way.
If only we could see how much the future hurts
Predict and act before everything gets worse...
I know this is not how love works
I know so much about the "nots"
Perhaps someday I will know about the truth.
No, hope respawns more quickly than I thought,
It is resilient, inconsistent, sttuborn
It makes you feel as if you could...
Sadly, my knees are hurt
My legs are shaken
My eyes are lost.
I'll take a deep breath and fall asleep again
For the mornings require more energy
Than I seem to be able to save
For the nights are full of thoughts
And the thoughts full of pain.
If only we could know beforehand.
-x-

Rebooting

At some point I have to believe I am lucky enough,
To have all of them around me, willing to stay,
Willing to mean something.
I was never the kind of person that neglected others.
I may sometimes push them away, in a need to be alone,
Though I am well aware I never am, never was, never will be.
They help me get by, they understand me somehow.
This is why my skin shows what I value the most,
I would have never made it through without it.
I am glad things seem to be working out,
In an always confusing and twisted way.
Who cares?
I do. More than I wish I would. More than I wish they would.
Living is such a complex task,
After all these years of trying,
I am still learning like a child.
Maybe someday I will feel complete,
Not by a single person as many like to believe,
But by all these great souls I have managed to keep around me.
They bring me joy, they show me there is always more.
More than you can see,
More than you think you know,
More than you will ever be able to believe.
And for that I must keep going,
For that I must never let my intelligence leave me.
Feeling, living, breathing.
Thinking.
Perhaps I do must reboot.
-x-