Away

Is giving up really the easier path?
Done it before and never felt like that.
I always thought it would make everything look so simple
New places, new people, nothing's new
-The past does not repeat itself
This is what I keep trying to tell myself
Not something I believe
Indeed something I'd rather I did
There is no past, there is no future, just time there is
So long, so lost, so wrong
It is all over me, the things I left
It just occurred to me,
Perhaps giving up is not for everyone
As weird as it may sound
We are all taught to fight
No matter the age, place or sex
When you trhow it all away
When you don't care
You're seen as the crazy one
Another coward,
-Shall we run?
-x-

Just that

I've felt that so many times before,
but right now I am so lost I can't even avoid.
They all seem to know it so well,
when I would rather not to tell.
Truth is I have no idea where to go from here.
Of course I could stay,
though my fears would not dissapear...
I would feel like I have to share,
like I have to tell them everything I do not dare.
No idea why I feel like this.
The only time I can let it all be,
is when I just can not remeber it.
Yeah you know for sure what I mean.
I have made myself this cold and afraid,
because no one likes to be hurt again and again.
People are just this complicated.
And it seems I am faded to live along with them.
My intelligence is just another cover,
just another layer...
Wish I could live without it all,
wish I was not afraid to fall.
Not afraid to feel,
not afraid of what is real.
Well, I am.
I am that weak,
I am that desperate,
I am that lost.
I don't really care of what you thought...
Thing is, when you never know the difference between dreaming and living,
you get used to choose the later.
I got used to give up on dreaming.
Never had one of those,
and will never know how it feels.
This is the thing killing me.
What hurts is, not talking about it.
Nobody would ever get close to understand.
I'd rather keep on trying to live,
knowing sooner or later it will end.
-x-

She²

I have no idea how to explain what happens
She's so much like me and indeed so different
As life keeps moving on I just can't avoid thinking of it
Sometimes I think that in the end we are all the same
While most of the times I think it is just a huge coincidence
We are all here, we're all together
Though it will not always be like this
This is the only thing I hate to know beforehand
It may not for them but it will for myself
Yes it hurts when I stop to think,
and looking at her while she cries in front of me doesn't really help
She is the one with a million faces
Maybe she is not only one at all
It is up to you to think and decide
While I keep trying to change the subject
Hide.
My thoughts so cold and hurt
I get scared of hurting them as well
I get afraid of meaning anything at all
Afraid of the goodbyes I insist to think necessary
Just another excuse to run from the truth
I am not like her, I am not like you
And when you know you don't belong
You just want to be gone
I'm just not sure I can do it this time
Maybe I should show myself up and try...
-x-

Dream on...

Because sometimes dreams just don't come true.

It has been on my mind since I heard it again a couple of days ago.

It is nothing I had never thought before.

Eventhough listening to something so sincere made me crack,

At the same time I was able to understand what all of us seek from deep inside.

These little things that will never happen,

The single desire to unlock something unexpected.

When you have already been to the other side of this coin,

You just make something up,

You just make it strong.

Of course I am no expert to talk about them.

I am used to think I have given up on it a long time ago.

Yes, it does make you feel quite shalow during the complicated days

But the truth is, most of the people out there need nothing but a game.

It has made me so happy back a few years,

It has mad me love, sing - breath in...

When they were gone I was left with silence and hate - breath out...

Too cold to love, too hurt to care- close your eyes...

You do remember now - do you dare?

-x-

Surprise?

Here comes that need again.
Along with it comes a strange and unexpected sadness.
I can not find a starting point for it,
Because deep down I know it is not like it has ever ended.
This time though, I can't seem to understand why all these things happened.
Maybe I should not had been gone for so long,
I do know I needed that.
Right now all I wanted was for things to go back the way they were,
That can't happen.
It is scaring me.
Too many new things from people I knew before...
Maybe it is just to show me others are capable of hiding the same way I am.
Well, I was the one who used to love findings and surprises.
-x-

Learning?

This is how life is supposed to be right?

I don't know...

At least this time I wish it was a matter of being wrong or right

Dualities never liked me,

Guess it's because I always tend to the downside.

I feel sorry right now,

Sorry for the things I did not do

It's, I shall add, rare for me to feel like that,

When you just don't care about what others may think

What you think of yourself becomes unbearably important

And right now I am not sure I can handle everything anymore.

Maybe this has something to do with them,

Eventhough I doubt cuz, pff, they are everything I have close to me right now.

Maybe, and in this I trust, it is because of me.

I am approaching a point at which I can not run away anymore

I will have to put myself in risk,

I will have to trust.

Nothing harder for me,

Nothing worse if you are wrong

Everthing I wish I could feel

Everything I wish could just disappear.

-x-

Welcome back...

Well it feels so boring right now...

I don't know what to think and sincerely I don't want to

Too many things to solve when all I wanted was to keep having fun

I know it is how its supposed to be

I know I thought about it a lot and I myself made these decisions

It's just that sometimes I wish I wasn't so sure about everyhting

It would by far be better if I could just have the courage

This little quality lacks me so much

And I do wish I had it along with me

I don't want to make anyone bored or sad

It is not like I don't like it here

God I know this is the only thing that kept me breathing

It is like there is another universe out there

That will keep on going without me

I was kicked out

or better

I decided to leave

Maybe in a moment at wich I should have just stayed...

I can't believe I can change so much in this small amount of time

She was there when I beged to return

I just find it hard to understand that right now I can not run anymore,

This time I have to stay and complete this,

Whichever this is supposed to be

This is me and my hope, like peace for some, reality for me

When one can not run

One should learn all over,

How to live.

-x-