Welcome back...

Well it feels so boring right now...

I don't know what to think and sincerely I don't want to

Too many things to solve when all I wanted was to keep having fun

I know it is how its supposed to be

I know I thought about it a lot and I myself made these decisions

It's just that sometimes I wish I wasn't so sure about everyhting

It would by far be better if I could just have the courage

This little quality lacks me so much

And I do wish I had it along with me

I don't want to make anyone bored or sad

It is not like I don't like it here

God I know this is the only thing that kept me breathing

It is like there is another universe out there

That will keep on going without me

I was kicked out

or better

I decided to leave

Maybe in a moment at wich I should have just stayed...

I can't believe I can change so much in this small amount of time

She was there when I beged to return

I just find it hard to understand that right now I can not run anymore,

This time I have to stay and complete this,

Whichever this is supposed to be

This is me and my hope, like peace for some, reality for me

When one can not run

One should learn all over,

How to live.

-x-

Beliefs

What do you believe in?

Just difficult to answer this little question is.

Eventually I find it easier to answer to the opposite

What do you not believe in?

But as it may seem the same thing,

changing the question gives me the opportunity

to avoid thinking about a lot of confusing things.

When I try to think of the first one,

when I hope I have found enough answers for myself,

somebody asks it again and then it all falls apart.

It is messy and complicated.

I do feel like these things should not be demanded to someone,

we just find it easier to ask than to think by our own.

If you just demand, there is no point in talking about it.

Two monologues are not the same as a dialogue.

If you never think and just demand,

do get ready to do some good listening.

If what you hear does not make you upset or confused,

do remember that believing in everything

is not actually different from believing in nothing.

-x-

Presque

Now it is about to end.

I don't know yet how I am supposed to feel,

I have requested it, I have thought so much of it.

Right now I can not avoid feeling kinda sad.

It is funny how this all happened,

how this changed me somehow.

She was definitely right, I did change.

It's just that I don't feel like I changed a lot...

Maybe as I started accepting somethings,

as I stoped worrying so much,

time just proved me right.

It is different.

Now I head to the places I know the most,

feeling like nothing remained the same.

A twist of roles...

And so is my fate.

-x-

Wondering

"My heart wants to fly, my mind wants to try"
What to do then? I am used to follow my mind and nothing else.
Not for the reasons one might think.
Mostly because my heart seems really tired of all this.
My mind is capable of forgeting,
my silly heart never...
I don't really think it is a bad thing to run away
And now that my life is empty of imediate obligations
I don't see remaining here as something bad
I have never done something that crazy for my mind
In the end, and deep inside, I know I have to go
Maybe I'll come back...
Just to not upset my mind
And show new life to my heart.

-x-

Saudade

The only feeling I can express in no other language.
The single thing that makes me want to return.
Explaining is not easy at all,
one can say "it's homesick", but I only know it brings me down.

People are just fun, just strange sometimes.
I wonder if I am the only one who's wrong, seeing things no one does.
Sometimes I wonder if there is no wrong,
if it is enough just to be, just to breath.

This lack of sense.
Too much on my mind.
My heart wants to fly,
My mind wants to try.

-x-